FAMILY & CHILDREN'S COUNSELING SERVICES, INC.
  • Home
    • Crisis Information
    • Covid-19 >
      • Beat Lockdown Anxiety with These Mindfulness Tips
    • Privacy Policy >
      • California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA)
    • Can Therapy Help Me?
    • Can Therapy Help My Child?
    • Help! My Kids Have Been Taken by CPS >
      • California CSD
    • Consumer Privacy HIPAA
  • About
    • Brochures
    • Folletos en espanol
    • History
    • What We Do
    • Meet Us | Our Team >
      • Jayme Schlager - Office Assistant
      • Bryony Hottendorf - Program Manager, Supervised Visitation
      • April Nicole- Billing Manager
      • Roxanna Taylor- Supervised Visitation Monitor
      • Abigail Mebrahtu Supervised Visitation Monitor
      • Ashlyn Crouch Supervised Visitation Monitor
      • Tiffany Runge, AMFT 112914
      • Emily Medina, AMFT 107900
      • Deb Auran, Therapist Trainee
      • Jasmine Madera, MS, APCC 8239
      • Jasmine Madera, MS, APCC 8239 Clinico profesional
      • Melinda Haynes, MA, LMFT. President and CEO
    • As Seen On
    • Trauma-Informed
    • Attachment Trauma Recovery >
      • Origins of Attachment Trauma
      • Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults and Children
      • Therapy for Attachment Trauma
    • Mission Vision Philosophy
    • Values
  • Services
    • Therapy or Counseling >
      • Online Therapy >
        • Online Therapy- Questions and Answers
      • Family Therapy
      • Child Therapy
      • Teen Therapy
      • HSP
      • Reunification Therapy
      • Foster /Kinship
      • Post-Adoption
      • Family Maintenance
      • EPIC Family
    • Types of Therapy >
      • Cognitive-Behavioral (CBT)
      • Play Therapy
      • Play Therapy for Adults
      • Multi-Sensory Integration
      • Parent-Child Therpay
      • Experiential Therapy
      • REBT
      • EMDR
      • School Based Family Counseling >
        • For Schools and Districts- PBIS Partners
      • E-Motion >
        • Movement- Stored Trauma Therapy
      • Mindfulness
    • Supervised Visitation >
      • Online Visits
      • Getting Started
      • California Supervised Visitation >
        • Supervised Visitation in Chico, California
      • Facilitated Visitation
      • Monitored Exchange
    • Family Preservation
    • Groups >
      • Camp Fire Support Group
      • Confident Kids
      • Productive Parenting
    • Kids Behavior Coaching
    • Daycare / School- Based Services
    • Associate Clinical Supervision
    • Workshops
    • Online Learning Center >
      • Become a Supervised Visitation Monitor
    • PBIS Partners >
      • Why Do We Have Empty Chairs?
      • Signs A Student May Benefit
      • Why Should My School Collaborate with FCCS?
      • School-Based Services May Include
  • Insurance / Fees
    • Important Note About Insurance
  • Helpful Links
    • Community Services >
      • 2020 California Fire Resources
      • Community Services- Butte County California
      • Free Mental Health Free Therapy
    • Mental Health Apps
    • Recommended Reading
    • Places to Go- Family Fun >
      • Places to Go in California >
        • Places to Go in Butte County California
        • Places to Go in Shasta County California
        • Places to Go in Fairfield, California
        • Places to Go Suisun City, California
      • Places to Go in North Carolina
      • Places to Go in Oklahoma >
        • Places to Go in Tulsa, Oklahoma
        • Places to Go in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
    • Weight Management >
      • Why We Develop Bad Habits
      • Diets Don't Work
      • Mapping Out Success
      • Journaling
      • Making New Habits
      • Creating Staying Power
    • Can We Talk?
    • Life On Their Terms >
      • Is My Partner Abusive?
      • The Cycle of Violence
      • Dangers of Staying
      • Healing From an Abusive Relationship
    • What is a Treatment Plan?
    • Of Caterpillars and Courage
    • Helping Kids Feel Safe in a Scary World
    • LifeStyle Wellbeing- Creating a New You
  • Contact
    • Tour the Chico Office
  • Career Center
    • What We Offer
    • Now Hiring LMFT LPCC LCSW Supervisor- CHICO, CA
    • Now Hiring Client Services Manager | Front Desk
    • Now Hiring Family Monitor
    • Taking Applications for Therapist Associate >
      • We Help You Build Your Private Practice
Back to Guide

Stick with Your New Year Resolutions
 
You know the drill… every New Year, millions of people vow to lose weight, spend more time with their families, or quit smoking.  And, every year millions of people don’t make it through the month of January (or even the first week) with their vows intact. 
 
Why?  Are we simply a nation filled with slackers, procrastinators and liars? Do we simply lack the ambition to reach a simple goal?
 
I believe it’s something else entirely.  Let’s face it, we are creatures of habit.  It therefore logically follows that habits are hard to break, even the bad ones.  (Ahem… especially the bad ones.)   So, we shouldn’t assume that we will be able to change deeply ingrained vices with the simple utterance of a few words spoken in honor of yearly tradition.
 
Instead, we need to put some resolve in our resolutions.  Resolving to break bad habits or create new ones can be done with a little planning and self-reflection.
 
Underlying Need
Our first task in reaching our New Year’s goals is to find the underlying need behind the bad habit we want to break. Whether it’s overeating, smoking, or nail biting, there’s a reason for it. 

We need to ask ourselves some questions:
​
- What needs do our habits fulfill? 
 - Is the habit simply a misguided attempt to fulfill a healthy need, such as the need to be comforted, the need to reduce stress, or the need to belong? 
- Or, is the habit a result of faulty programming or internalized criticisms, such as a need to validate feelings of inferiority, to feel guilty, or to play the role of victim?
 
Most of the time, we are not consciously aware of these unmet needs because we have either swept them underneath the carpet of denial, or because they have not been brought to the forefront of our conscious minds due to an internal protective mechanism called repression.
 
Simply taking some time to reflect upon the origins of any habit can help us uncover the underlying need associated with it.  For some, this is a relatively easy task.  For others, it may be more difficult, time consuming and emotional.  Those who experience difficulty with these feelings may want to seek the help of a qualified counselor.
 
Breaking Bad
When you find yourself turning to old habits you really want to break, stop for a moment and ask yourself the following questions.  You might want to journal your reflections for greater clarity and tracking of success.
 
Why am I doing this behavior? 
What need am I trying to fulfill?
When did I first have this need?
Is this habit or behavior congruent with my personal values?
What feelings am I experiencing and why?
Who or what does this remind me of?
Is this feeling or behavior something that I could question or reevaluate?
Am I willing to allow myself to hold onto this belief, habit or feeling now that I know more?
What action can I take right now to change this?
 
Replace
Once we have uncovered the underlying needs behind the behavior, we can get to work on breaking the habit.  Old, unhealthy habits are more easily broken if they are replaced with new, healthful ones.  This is what the psychology world refers to as “replacement behaviors.”
 
We have already established that we are creatures of habit.  We can overcome this by working with the fact rather than working against it.  The new habits should address the needs that were (sort of) being met through the old habits.
 
Let’s say the old habit of overeating was an attempt to address the need to feel fulfilled emotionally.  What other activities, or habits, will lead to the same goal of emotional fulfillment?  The answer will most likely be different for each person.  However, some general ideas could be playing with your kids, talking on the phone with a good friend, writing a letter to a loved one, reading the Bible or other inspirational material, listening to uplifting music, exercising, counting your blessings, or creating a personal five year plan.
 
Suggested Replacement Behaviors
Play a game with your children, SO or friends
Read a book (to yourself or another)
Go for a walk
Call a friend
Check your email
Close your eyes and count to 10
Breathe deeply; meditate on a positive / motivating word on the exhale
Plan your next vacation
Do 20 jumping jacks
Look at the family photo album
Make a family photo album
Plan a tasty and healthy menu
Make a grocery list
Paint your toenails
Brush your teeth
Try a new hairstyle
Let your kids style your hair
Go to bed
Pray
Meditate
Cry
Laugh
Stretch
Volunteer to help another
Go somewhere remote and yell
Turn up the radio and sing along- loudly
Dance with the broom
Color
Play dress up with your kids or fur kids
Skip around the block (and entertain the neighbors!)
Bake homemade bread or muffins using oatmeal instead of flour
Give baked gifts to neighbors
Recite a poem, Scripture or favorite saying
 
Get Rid of the Generic 
Another obstacle we face in recognizing success with our resolutions is that they are too vague.  “I resolve to lose weight this year” is very different from “I resolve to reduce my body fat by five percent by June 1st.”  Without the clarity, we have nothing definite towards which to aim.  Elusive ideals are not effective for realizing change; concrete objectives are.  Set specific, well-defined goals with exact numbers, dates, and details.  Remember to keep it real.  Don’t expect to qualify for the Olympic trials in three months if you haven’t exercised in 12 years!
 
Map it Out
Finally, we must develop a plan for success.  If you were going to take a road trip, you would bring a map.  The same is true for reaching your goals.  Map out the starting point (where you are now), the desired destination (your specific goal), and all the landmarks along the way (the baby steps you will take on your way to your destination). 
 
Your map can be an outline of long and short term goals, a paragraph, a chart, a picture, or a collage.  Whatever method you chose, make sure it reflects your style and your true desires. Keep your map in a visible, or at least easily accessible, location so that you may refer to it frequently.  The map will keep you on the right track and prevent you from getting lost.
 
Celebrate!
Let this year be the Year of Success!  Old habits can be broken and victory can be found. All it takes is willingness, a plan and some good old-fashioned effort.  Stick to it and revel in your small triumphs- they will eventually add up to big success.


Click here for a FREE online LifeStyle Guide to walk you through the initial phases as you reshape your life and body.
​

This information should not serve as a replacement for therapy.  Please visit the Can Therapy Help Me page for more information or contact a local therapist if you require individualized help.
​
​

HELPING FAMILIES HEAL, PLAY AND LOVE!


Hours

M-F: 9am - 6pm 
and by appointment 

Telephone

800-430-4490
or go to Meet Us for individual direct contact

Email

info@healplaylove.org
or go to Contact for
department contact
Various legal disclaimers: The persons depicted on this site are models.  Photos do not represent or guarantee results.  Contact for service areas.  This site uses cookies. Your use of this site implies your agreement to the use of cookies. See Privacy Policy for more information.  California residents see the California Consumer Privacy Act.

FCCS is directed by Melinda Haynes, MA, California LMFT license number 102308.  Oklahoma LMFT license number 1153. North Carolina LMFT license number 2143.

​The National Supervised Visitation online training program is a subsidiary of FCCS and can be found at 
https://www.SupervisedVisitationTraining.com.  Professional consulting for mental and behavioral health professionals is available at www.MelindaHaynes.com.  Other connected but unrelated sites are Kate & Mel, Can We Talk? and The Motley Ms. 


  • Home
    • Crisis Information
    • Covid-19 >
      • Beat Lockdown Anxiety with These Mindfulness Tips
    • Privacy Policy >
      • California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA)
    • Can Therapy Help Me?
    • Can Therapy Help My Child?
    • Help! My Kids Have Been Taken by CPS >
      • California CSD
    • Consumer Privacy HIPAA
  • About
    • Brochures
    • Folletos en espanol
    • History
    • What We Do
    • Meet Us | Our Team >
      • Jayme Schlager - Office Assistant
      • Bryony Hottendorf - Program Manager, Supervised Visitation
      • April Nicole- Billing Manager
      • Roxanna Taylor- Supervised Visitation Monitor
      • Abigail Mebrahtu Supervised Visitation Monitor
      • Ashlyn Crouch Supervised Visitation Monitor
      • Tiffany Runge, AMFT 112914
      • Emily Medina, AMFT 107900
      • Deb Auran, Therapist Trainee
      • Jasmine Madera, MS, APCC 8239
      • Jasmine Madera, MS, APCC 8239 Clinico profesional
      • Melinda Haynes, MA, LMFT. President and CEO
    • As Seen On
    • Trauma-Informed
    • Attachment Trauma Recovery >
      • Origins of Attachment Trauma
      • Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults and Children
      • Therapy for Attachment Trauma
    • Mission Vision Philosophy
    • Values
  • Services
    • Therapy or Counseling >
      • Online Therapy >
        • Online Therapy- Questions and Answers
      • Family Therapy
      • Child Therapy
      • Teen Therapy
      • HSP
      • Reunification Therapy
      • Foster /Kinship
      • Post-Adoption
      • Family Maintenance
      • EPIC Family
    • Types of Therapy >
      • Cognitive-Behavioral (CBT)
      • Play Therapy
      • Play Therapy for Adults
      • Multi-Sensory Integration
      • Parent-Child Therpay
      • Experiential Therapy
      • REBT
      • EMDR
      • School Based Family Counseling >
        • For Schools and Districts- PBIS Partners
      • E-Motion >
        • Movement- Stored Trauma Therapy
      • Mindfulness
    • Supervised Visitation >
      • Online Visits
      • Getting Started
      • California Supervised Visitation >
        • Supervised Visitation in Chico, California
      • Facilitated Visitation
      • Monitored Exchange
    • Family Preservation
    • Groups >
      • Camp Fire Support Group
      • Confident Kids
      • Productive Parenting
    • Kids Behavior Coaching
    • Daycare / School- Based Services
    • Associate Clinical Supervision
    • Workshops
    • Online Learning Center >
      • Become a Supervised Visitation Monitor
    • PBIS Partners >
      • Why Do We Have Empty Chairs?
      • Signs A Student May Benefit
      • Why Should My School Collaborate with FCCS?
      • School-Based Services May Include
  • Insurance / Fees
    • Important Note About Insurance
  • Helpful Links
    • Community Services >
      • 2020 California Fire Resources
      • Community Services- Butte County California
      • Free Mental Health Free Therapy
    • Mental Health Apps
    • Recommended Reading
    • Places to Go- Family Fun >
      • Places to Go in California >
        • Places to Go in Butte County California
        • Places to Go in Shasta County California
        • Places to Go in Fairfield, California
        • Places to Go Suisun City, California
      • Places to Go in North Carolina
      • Places to Go in Oklahoma >
        • Places to Go in Tulsa, Oklahoma
        • Places to Go in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
    • Weight Management >
      • Why We Develop Bad Habits
      • Diets Don't Work
      • Mapping Out Success
      • Journaling
      • Making New Habits
      • Creating Staying Power
    • Can We Talk?
    • Life On Their Terms >
      • Is My Partner Abusive?
      • The Cycle of Violence
      • Dangers of Staying
      • Healing From an Abusive Relationship
    • What is a Treatment Plan?
    • Of Caterpillars and Courage
    • Helping Kids Feel Safe in a Scary World
    • LifeStyle Wellbeing- Creating a New You
  • Contact
    • Tour the Chico Office
  • Career Center
    • What We Offer
    • Now Hiring LMFT LPCC LCSW Supervisor- CHICO, CA
    • Now Hiring Client Services Manager | Front Desk
    • Now Hiring Family Monitor
    • Taking Applications for Therapist Associate >
      • We Help You Build Your Private Practice