​Heal Play Love University- How to Stop Defending Yourself with the Narcissist | Your Version of Me Does NOT Define Me!!

​Stop Defending Yourself!

When we are in a relationship with a Narcissist, we can often find ourselves getting defensive.

We defend ourselves, the situation- any one or any thing, really- in response to the Narcissist's version of reality. Why?! This is not necessary.

If they want to believe the sky is yellow and green zebra stripes, let them.

Repeat after me: YOUR VERSION OF ME DOES NOT DEFINE ME!!

Really, we need to get this through our heads. Just because someone with a potential learning disability (link below) or faulty image due to untreated trauma history (link below) thinks one way, doesn't make it true.

We get so wrapped up in what the Narcissist is thinking or doing that we lose all sense of self and wellbeing. We lose our emotional footing.

We get flustered and lose our sense of self-worth- all because someone who has their very own reality wants to upset us. Do you see how ridiculous this is?

All this talk about evil narcissists- those who have NPD. And run! Really? How about we just understand that they have faulty thinking?

It's like someone who moves from one country to another and doesn't understand the language or customs. They aren't interacting the way most people interact.

That's all.

They get triggered. They don't know how to handle (or even recognize) a trigger. That doesn't make them evil. That, if anything, makes them disabled in way.

They are emotionally disabled, if you will. They are lacking some information, coping skills and thought processes that would help them function better in life. Maybe we are, as well. I mean, if we had all of our wits about us, wouldn't we emotionally step away from the intensity and crazy-making of the narcissist?

Wouldn't we try something else? When we say the only answer is RUN, we are doing the black and white thing ourselves. They are either all or or we wright them off forever. See how we play into it?

Our thinking is off. To get your thinking in line (and to save your sanity) with the Narcissist, stop defending yourself. There's no need! I have some videos on a technique I call Flashlighting that may help.

Flashlighting gives us something to do instead (a concept from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy / CBT) and helps take the focus off the problem (a concept from Solution Focused Therapy).

Also watch Is Narcissism a Brain Disorder https://youtu.be/bNKgTJDOz0A 

Heal Play Love University (formerly Can We Talk) is a therapy channel on youtube where we discuss, well... therapy stuff.

Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), Director & Clinical Supervisor, Melinda Haynes will discuss random topics and answer questions. Melinda Haynes, MA, LMFT lic no 102308 Author and Instructor for the first online National Supervised Visitation Monitor Certification, a training course for future providers of court-ordered visitation https://www.supervisedvisitationtraining.com/

Questions you would like answered in a video? Contact me at [email protected]

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Heal Play Love University (formerly 'Can We Talk?') is a youtube channel dedicated to psychology, therapy, relationships, healthy living, well-being and the like.

This channel should not be considered therapy, nor a substitute for therapy. If you need help with any mental, emotional, family or relational struggle, please seek help from a qualified professional in your area.

#stopdefendingyourself #narcissism #npd